Take your stinking paws off them, you damn dirty ape.

Fucking bastard. I know it's someone that lives around here because they are obviously watching them just as closely as I. Two more are gone just days before I was to pick them. Just like the first time. They've gotten four; I've gotten none. It's really a bummer. They probably think it's funny. I think it's mean. I thought those were the last two that were viable, but I saw today I have one that needs a week or so and two that are babies yet.

I've been trying to decide how best to make it known that I am watching for them.  I considered just ripping up all the vines and putting them in a pile with a sign that read "Here. Why don't you just go ahead and take the rest of them and get it over with, jerk.". I also considered simply putting out a sign with just a sad face or middle finger or the phrase "If I Find Out Who You Are, I Will Break Your Fingers". (The first time this happened I printed a sign but didn't put it up. It said "Yes, I noticed. Yes, I am sad. Yes, you suck.") I also have thought about being an asshole right back and booby-trapping them. Somehow. I'm not really sure what I could do to them that would keep them alive long enough to get stolen yet make them nasty or something. But wouldn't it be fun to put a sign up the day after it disappears that informs them that their new melon was mulched with my own poo?

It really pisses me off and honestly makes me sad. It's less about the watermelons themselves; I actually don't eat them much but was excited to see that I could grow something fun. I was excited to share them with my friends. So what upsets me and gets me down is that someone I haven't done anything to is perfectly alright with destroying something I made and something that isn't theirs, and they don't care enough about someone they've never met to leave just one. All I need is one. I was going to give the others away anyway. I just wanted to have the chance to do so. I am really sick and tired of being shit on by other people for no reason. I guess that's what it really comes down to. Why do people just shit on everyone else? 

For some reason I never thought about bugs just up and dropping dead like people sometimes do, but I saw the aftermath of it Sunday afternoon. My friend Brandon and I walked to the Co-op to get some brunch particles to put together. On the way back up my street, right over the sidewalk and at just about eye-level for most people, was a dead spider. Hanging from a strand of silk attached to (most likely) her leg. Just blowing in the wind. Nothing wrong, no missing pieces or dried out in the sun or anything like that. Not even crunchy yet, so it must have been fresh. Hanging there. I guess she was up in the tree limbs or the power lines, just going about her business weaving herself a nice fresh new web, and then BAM. Whatever it is that happens to arachnids when they stop living... I tried to get a photo but without a decent background couldn't get the camera to focus. We took her down, and Brandon decided he wanted to keep her. I almost felt like we should give her a little memorial, but since I never met this particular spider I'm not sure I'd have thought of anything to say.

Social Networking- Rage Fodder Extraordinaire

Seriously. I just need to rebrand this blog as a "WTF is this stupid shit on the internet" blog. I do less ranting anymore, but lots more "OMG lol Look what Facebook put online". Because it is STUPID. Yes. Stupid. Except, I suppose if only I just think it's absolutely retarded then it really is just me ranting as per my blog's promising tagline... So yeah. This is stupid:

From a glance, this doesn't seem all that bad. The stupid part is that there is a 'Like' button underneath this shit. No, I do not like it. Unless it's to support the glaring fact that Hollywood is completely out of original ideas. "I know! The 80's are popular again. Let's remake all the 80's movies! We can make them 3D! Everyone will lose it for 3D!!". Dudes... LIFE is nothing but 3D. Ain't no thang, peeps. Last thing I want to do is go to a movie theatre, pay nine bucks for a movie I've seen before (and can see anytime I want on Netflix), while not only sitting in a seat that a thousand asses have farted in before me, but also wearing some dumb glasses that make my eyeballs vomit and could possibly give me lice or maybe scabies or a face fungus. Not to mention the soda and small stale popcorn that costs a week's salary and the idiot people sitting in front of you who won't get off their goddamn cell phone. And it's cold in there. So fuck that. Adding "2011" to the end of the movie title doesn't mean it's an upgrade. It's not a car or a Windows product.

And be sure to note that this movie is "terrifying". (air quotes needed here). 

1985 called. It said "Get your grubby unoriginal paws off my campy vampire movies!" It also requests that you leave those stupid huge-framed glasses and Cosby sweaters alone, too.

"Eh, it'll do."

I do love my pets. But I love them mostly because they aren't stuffed. Seriously, WTF? 

ADDENDUM:

Ok, this one looks like it might possibly be alive. Can't be sure, it's still creepy, and could be in the throes of a poison-induced seizure or maybe it's just playing with a string that's out of frame. But still. You can't find a stock photo of a cat that's not this shitty? You just don't even try anymore, do you?