A List Of Things, Part 2

Things I Don't Have Enough Of:


1. Dollars
Everyone says this. Everyone wants nice things; some people just want nicer/more expensive things than others. I'm not one of them. I don't need any fancy electronics or new cars. I just want to pay off my loans, be able to get new shoes when I need them, and have a working car so that I can go do things like buy groceries. I would like to not live paycheck-to-paycheck any longer. I would like to have some savings again. I would like to maybe take a small trip somewhere. Nothing lavish. Sometimes I feel like I did everything right, but all for naught.

2. Days/Hours
I need at least two more days per week, and at least 6 more hours per day. Can you get on that, please? There has got to be a way to slow the rotation and orbit of the earth to do this. Then I could find time for all the things I want to do. Or for a second job.

3. Cats
Haha! Just kidding... but, seriously...

While I recognize that I do in fact have the Crazy Cat Lady gene, I am all topped off on cats. Got enough. Thanks.

4. Pants, etc.
I have way too many tee shirts, but not enough other clothing. I need to do a swap or something. I can always find a tee shirt to wear, but sometimes I can't find pants. No one wants to see me not wearing pants. Mostly because I also don't own any cute undies. I could find some way to make all those extra tee shirts into pants, maybe. Or skirts. Skirts would probably be easier.

5. Liver Cells
Because I'm burning through those bitches like there's no tomorrow. Hell, it won't be long before the survivors figure out my master plan and flee in droves. They can only regenerate if there are some left, right?

6. Courage
They gave it all to that damn lion. Didn't save me any. I mean, I'm not a total pansy. I don't wet myself when something is scary. I don't pass out at the sight of blood. I guess what I mean is that I'm one of those shy people. I'm a lot (A LOT) better than I used to be, but sometimes I wish I was one of those extroverts who can just come out and say what they think, ask for what they want, and all that good stuff. This would make things like the stupid crush I mentioned in the last post easier. I could just say, "Hey, I think you're neat. Wanna hang?" and get on with it if the answer is no. Or get it on if the answer is yes.

7. Social Grace
Jeebus, I'm socially awkward (see above). I'm pretty good at embarrassing myself. All because if I'm not making a joke, then I don't have much to say. Or rather, I'm no good at saying it. Now, if it's an F-bomb-laden rant or a guffaw-inducing double entendre, I'm golden. A wink-nudge play on words? Yup. I'm punny! But hell, stick me in a room with people I don't know or in front of a crowd, or make me talk to a boy I like or have a serious discussion, and my brain stops communicating with my mouth. I'm lucky to remember my own name and chances are slim that I'll remember anyone else's. I might drool. And I'll totally accidentally drop another F-bomb.

8. Motivation
I know this is a shock to some of you, but I'm not the go-getter type. This is the perfect example: I should be finishing the furniture rearrange I started this past Saturday night. But instead I'm sitting here tossing word turds at the internet. I wish I was the domestic goddess other girls my age (aka women and/or real adults) are, but I hate doing dishes. I am not a real adult. I am easily distracted. I have no desire to fold my laundry when I can sit and read my book instead. And all those unfinished projects I mentioned in Part 1? Yup. I just can't get going on them. I suppose you could call me lazy, but I prefer to think of it as a difference in priority. Those dishes aren't going anywhere (hell, I don't have food to put on them anyway!), but my VHS player might stop working tomorrow and I still have six tapes of old The X-Files episodes to watch!!

9. Photos Of My Food On Facebook
This is the thing to do now, apparently. Every day, I see what a good sized chunk of my friends eat. It's like they're trying to prove something. What it is, I don't know... who eats the most? Who eats the weirdest stuff? Who isn't anorexic? Who cooks vs. who goes out? Either way, I better get in on it or I won't be in the Cool Club anymore. Maybe I'll do extreme close-ups and have people guess what it is. Maybe I'll only post photos of the most mundane of foodstuffs like cheese and crackers or cereal. Maybe I'll post photos of my cats' meals. Maybe I'll post photos of what my meal looks like 8 hours later... you just never know.

9.5. Backrubs
I always want a backrub. Always.

10. Manfriends
Well, I just want one. Not friends who are boys. I got lots of those. And why I'd want just one of them around a lot is sort of mind-boggling because they drive me nuts. But still. It'd be cool to have a special buddy around again. It's been a hot minute, I've had my fun, and wouldn't mind taking another shot at finding something more meaningful. Problem is I can't find someone I'm that interested in (with one exception. See #10 of Part 1). I know some cute guys, and some nice guys, but there either really isn't any real chemistry or they're taken or gay or not into me or or or ad infinitum. I also tend to see only the same group of people over and over again. I know some friends who have had luck with the internet thing, but that's not my style. Whatever. I'm no spinster yet. But I'm no spring chicken, either. I'd kinda like to get on with this whole "life" thing and have someone to share it with. There's gotta be at least one dapper young gentleman out there I can trick into thinking I'm the bees knees, right?