Random Memory

So a handful of years ago, I went to visit my family in Cincinnati. My dad wanted to take me to one of his local haunts, a little dive bar in Reading, Ohio. I can't remember the name, but "dive bar" it was.

We go in, he introduces me to the bartender (I'd never been there) and he buys a round. He'd told me that he's got a little group of friends he hangs out with there, and I had a friend in town so I'd invited her to meet us there. Lindsey shows up, and we go off to hang on our own while he kicks it with his buddies. One of these buddies is a young woman, probably only a few years older than me, who Dad says has the hots for him. I think, "Sure, ok, Dad," and don't think about that again.

Fast forward an hour or so. I'm ready for another beer, and so is Lindsey. Dad had told us to just get drinks on his tab. Dad's over chatting with his group, and to be polite I go over and sneak in a quick, "Hey, it's cool to put another beer on your tab, right?" He says yes, but before I can walk away, the young woman he'd mentioned earlier turns to me and looks me up and down. I see the claws start to come out, and will full catty commencing, says to me, "Sooooo. How you YOU know Rick?".

Oh, boy. So thinking I can be a little cheeky I reply, "Oh, I'm just the fruit of his loins."

Well, I severely overestimated my audience. Because she reaches Cat Level 1000 and stares me down. I'm like, "Uh oh, she's about to rip my hair out...". So then I clarify, "I'm his kid."

Lady does a total 180... "Ohhhhh! I didn't know Rick had a daughter!" blah blah blah she's suddenly trying to chum up to me. She notices the tattoo on my arm of the snake eating an elephant from "The Little Prince" (yeah I did my best to avoid explaining that one...), and tells me she just got a new tattoo. "It's awesome! Here, look."

At this, she turns, pulls the waistband of her pants way low, and shows me the fresh Tasmanian Devil tattoo on her butt cheek. Of freaking course.

I'm like, "Oh, cool! Well, my friend's over there, so have fun, y'all!" because there was nothing else I could say about that without turning into a snarky asshole. She realized I wasn't the competition, and I watched her double-down her efforts for the rest of the night. They were not successful,

And that's the story about the time some lady thought I was macking on her crush, my dad, and was ready to start a bar fight over him. Keep it classy, Reading!