So. I'm going to be graduating from school in one week. Again. Maybe this time I'll use my degree. Maybe not. Again. Either way, I now know more specialized things that other people don't. One thing is for sure... I am done with school. I thought going back a few years ago would change things for the better, get me into a different place and get my mind off things I had no business giving the time of day in the first place (Again). But it didn't, really. For a minute it was good. But in the end, I still do think it's been one of the worst decisions of my life. Once I started, I wasn't going to quit. So now I'm done, and at the end of it all I've lost everything and am in the process of starting over. Again. I know I will never completely heal and I'm coming to terms with that. But at least this is one thing I will no longer have to worry about. Ever again.
I have stopped writting limericks at work. I have switched to haiku for the time being. The thing is, it seems few people get them. Few got the limericks unless I made the jokes fairly obvious and avoided more obscure references, but when limiting oneself to so few syllables it seems the joke is often lost completely. Besides the fact that there are many who don't know what a limerick or haiku is. But I did two haiku at work today to entertain myself. I will share my masterpieces with you... keep in mind, these are related to things at my job.
It's a Saturday...
OMG! MUST BUY FLOWERS!
Life depends on it.
Through the break-room door-
Surprise! Fly-strip "mistletoe"...
Don't get caught beneath!
The second one is in reference to the RIDICULOUS fly problem we now have. It got hot, it rained, and then the air wasn't on in the store. And BAM!... flies frickin' everywhere. So they've been billing out those adhesive fly-strip things to hang everywhere. Not that they work all that well- they aren't baited or anything. You just have to hope the flies are too retarded to fly right and end up getting too close and get stuck. What we all need are those handheld zappers. The ones that look like mini tennis rackets, only they're battery-powered. Those are great. Except then we'd probably all run around zapping each other. Because we are all really mature that way.
I have recently fallen in love with my front porch. A perfect afternoon consists of sitting on my front porch. A perfect evening consists of sitting on my front porch with a beverage. Hell, I'll have a beverage in the afternoon too. And a book. Though significant company would also be nice. I had a lovely afternoon about a month ago- sat all day on the porch drinking beers and playing Uno!, then Parcheesi, then back to Uno! because it's awesome. I want more days like that.
I love my backyard, too. But not as much since recently it's become a mosquito haven. I don't know where they're hiding out, but it doesn't matter what time of day you go back there. Once you're behind the house you are nothing but a side of beef for those swarms. Which sucks. Because my backyard could be really nice what with the table and grill and firepit and shade (and 'pool' if I ever want to set it up). It's still nice. I just don't want to be sucked dry those ravenous wenches.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Monday, May 31, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Inside Looking Out
Humanity. Each day, I observe the mish-mash that makes up humanity. I see them at their most irritating, most bizarre, most self-righteous and egotistical, and most sincere and honest. And I am constantly confused. I just don't get people, no matter how hard I try (which truthfully isn't that hard; I'd rather just watch and take note than actually analyze it all). Conversely, I also see what humanity and its actions invoke within me. Often this is confusing as well, particularly when something that I should really not give more than a second's thought manages to occupy my brain for extended periods of time. But sometimes I know exactly why my reaction or thought process is the way it is. I might not be good at explaining it, or I just might not want to. Outside Looking In, and Inside Looking Out.
I hear all sorts of B.S. from people day in and day out. Mostly this stuff happens at work. People will be rude or condescending for absolutely no reason. They will walk up to me, and before even hearing me speak one word, will speak at me as if I am a young child or a dog, not an adult deserving of basic respect. I can not stand this crap, and feel that one day I will possibly not be able to hold in the verbal shock-and-awe that immediately is fired from my mental arsenal. People will also be insanely nice and polite, which makes things a whole lot better. However, there is one thing all types have in common: I see them all do some really asinine things on a regular basis. The kinds of things that leave me just staring at them, wonder what the hell they're thinking.
When people purchase custom-mixed paint, the paint associate takes a bit of it and puts a spot on the lid so they can see the color. Often times, the customer has walked off while it's being mixed so the associate just sets it on the counter for them to pick up. 90% of the time, people walk up to the counter, pick up the can, and then stick their finger in the spot of paint on the top. Then they look all surprised to find out that it's wet. It's 3 minutes old, people. That phrase 'watching paint dry'? Yeah. Longer than 3 minutes. Then of course they whine about getting paint on themselves.
Another thing they do is decide to go through Self-Checkout, and then act helpless. Like they've never used the one at Kroger before. I know you have. I've seen you there. And you know what? Not only are the directions printed on the screen, the Self-Checkout-Lady-Voice reads them to you, too! But these people walk up... "What do I do??".
Similarly, people come through a regular register. Get the total, pull out their debit card, swipe it (which means they've got an idea of the process here...), and when the number pad pops up for them to enter their PIN, they say," Uh, what's this? What's it want?" This is also generally asked in a haughty, irritated way, like instead it was asking for the capital of Nebraska. I have to hold myself back here from being a total smartass. I say, "It's asking for you PIN". And then they say one of two things: "Oh." and enter it. Or defensively "It's not debit, it's a credit card."- except the card has DEBIT printed on the front. I know the difference. I am not an idiot. You can use a debit card like a credit card and sign instead of using a PIN, but that does not make it a credit card.
The last thing to me is funny, only because I wonder if I'd do the same. People need to replace their toilet seat from time to time. Maybe they had a particularly heavy-set guest or an overly violent dump; I don't know, don't care. But it seems that unless they have written down the type of seat they need, they always buy the wrong one. Toilet seats are returned every day because customers needed the other type. There are two kinds: Round and Elongated. One is, well, round and the other is more like an oval. And no one can tell you which one they have unless they're standing in their bathroom looking at it. Which is funny to me, since the toilet is probably the one thing in your house that you see multiple times a day at regular times. If you are not out of town, you will see it at the very least once a day. Not to mention that I'm sure they've all had their head in there at least once, as well. But they have no idea.
Speaking of toilet seats: we also sell them made of plastic, wood, or vinyl-covered foam. If you are getting the padded one, I'm judging you. Those things are gross. And yet, 26% of American households use them. NASTY.
I hear all sorts of B.S. from people day in and day out. Mostly this stuff happens at work. People will be rude or condescending for absolutely no reason. They will walk up to me, and before even hearing me speak one word, will speak at me as if I am a young child or a dog, not an adult deserving of basic respect. I can not stand this crap, and feel that one day I will possibly not be able to hold in the verbal shock-and-awe that immediately is fired from my mental arsenal. People will also be insanely nice and polite, which makes things a whole lot better. However, there is one thing all types have in common: I see them all do some really asinine things on a regular basis. The kinds of things that leave me just staring at them, wonder what the hell they're thinking.
When people purchase custom-mixed paint, the paint associate takes a bit of it and puts a spot on the lid so they can see the color. Often times, the customer has walked off while it's being mixed so the associate just sets it on the counter for them to pick up. 90% of the time, people walk up to the counter, pick up the can, and then stick their finger in the spot of paint on the top. Then they look all surprised to find out that it's wet. It's 3 minutes old, people. That phrase 'watching paint dry'? Yeah. Longer than 3 minutes. Then of course they whine about getting paint on themselves.
Another thing they do is decide to go through Self-Checkout, and then act helpless. Like they've never used the one at Kroger before. I know you have. I've seen you there. And you know what? Not only are the directions printed on the screen, the Self-Checkout-Lady-Voice reads them to you, too! But these people walk up... "What do I do??".
Similarly, people come through a regular register. Get the total, pull out their debit card, swipe it (which means they've got an idea of the process here...), and when the number pad pops up for them to enter their PIN, they say," Uh, what's this? What's it want?" This is also generally asked in a haughty, irritated way, like instead it was asking for the capital of Nebraska. I have to hold myself back here from being a total smartass. I say, "It's asking for you PIN". And then they say one of two things: "Oh." and enter it. Or defensively "It's not debit, it's a credit card."- except the card has DEBIT printed on the front. I know the difference. I am not an idiot. You can use a debit card like a credit card and sign instead of using a PIN, but that does not make it a credit card.
The last thing to me is funny, only because I wonder if I'd do the same. People need to replace their toilet seat from time to time. Maybe they had a particularly heavy-set guest or an overly violent dump; I don't know, don't care. But it seems that unless they have written down the type of seat they need, they always buy the wrong one. Toilet seats are returned every day because customers needed the other type. There are two kinds: Round and Elongated. One is, well, round and the other is more like an oval. And no one can tell you which one they have unless they're standing in their bathroom looking at it. Which is funny to me, since the toilet is probably the one thing in your house that you see multiple times a day at regular times. If you are not out of town, you will see it at the very least once a day. Not to mention that I'm sure they've all had their head in there at least once, as well. But they have no idea.
Speaking of toilet seats: we also sell them made of plastic, wood, or vinyl-covered foam. If you are getting the padded one, I'm judging you. Those things are gross. And yet, 26% of American households use them. NASTY.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
How it goes.
Still,
I think of you, baby
And how I grew old with you then.
And this summer, you'll call- maybe
And act as if we were old friends.
You'd say, 'How are you, baby?',
I'd say, 'It's raining in Athens.'
It's raining in Athens...
And to this day
I nurse the fever
That spoiled my poor heart.
And I've mastered the art of dealing,
Slipping away without falling apart.
So when this summer, you call- maybe
And ask how I've been,
I can be honest and answer plainly,
'Since November, it's been raining.'
It's raining in Athens...
-Azure Ray
I think of you, baby
And how I grew old with you then.
And this summer, you'll call- maybe
And act as if we were old friends.
You'd say, 'How are you, baby?',
I'd say, 'It's raining in Athens.'
It's raining in Athens...
And to this day
I nurse the fever
That spoiled my poor heart.
And I've mastered the art of dealing,
Slipping away without falling apart.
So when this summer, you call- maybe
And ask how I've been,
I can be honest and answer plainly,
'Since November, it's been raining.'
It's raining in Athens...
-Azure Ray
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
One more for St. Patty's Day...
Wrote this one today around 2:30, shortly after arriving at work. It's dedicated to all I worked with tonight, and anyone else who was imprisoned by their job until 10pm or so tonight while their friends went out and reveled.
Right now I should be drinking green beer,
Irish coffees, and spreading good cheer.
But instead, as we speak,
My Irish heart weeps,
'Cause all night The Man has me stuck here.
Right now I should be drinking green beer,
Irish coffees, and spreading good cheer.
But instead, as we speak,
My Irish heart weeps,
'Cause all night The Man has me stuck here.
More of what I do at work...
Tonight my manager asked if I'd written any more limericks lately. I said I hadn't really felt drawn to any subjects lately, so he commissioned one with the subject of St. Patrick's Day. I wrote two. Here they are, in their painfully cheesy glory:
In March St. Patrick gets his own day
He was cool 'cause he scared snakes away
He's a great Gaelic hunk
And an excuse to get drunk
So Erin Go Bragh we all say!
In March St. Patrick gets his own day
Which we use as a reason to play
It's more fun than the Ides
When Caesar was surprised
I like beer, not stabs; et tu, Brute?
And this is why I (don't) make the big bucks...
In March St. Patrick gets his own day
He was cool 'cause he scared snakes away
He's a great Gaelic hunk
And an excuse to get drunk
So Erin Go Bragh we all say!
In March St. Patrick gets his own day
Which we use as a reason to play
It's more fun than the Ides
When Caesar was surprised
I like beer, not stabs; et tu, Brute?
And this is why I (don't) make the big bucks...
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
XXII
"Good morning," said the little prince.
"Good morning," said the railway switchman.
"What is it that you do here?" asked the little prince.
"I sort the travelers into bundles of a thousand," the switchman said. "I dispatch the trains that carry them, sometimes to the right, sometimes to the left."
And a brightly lit express train, roaring like thunder, shook the switchman's cabin.
"What a hurry they're in," said the little prince. "What are they looking for?"
"Not even the engineer on the locomotive knows," the switchman said.
And another brightly lit express train thundered by in the opposite direction.
"Are they coming back already?" asked the little prince.
"It's not the same ones," the switchman said. "It's an exchange."
"They weren't satisfied, where they were?" asked the little prince.
"No one is ever satisfied where he is," the switchman said.
And a third brightly lit express train thundered past.
"Are they chasing the first travelers?" asked the little prince.
"They aren't chasing anything," the switchman said. "They're sleeping in there, or else they're yawning. Only the children are pressing their noses against the windowpanes."
"Only the children know what they're looking for," said the little prince. "They spend their time on a rag doll and it becomes very important, and if it's taken away from them, they cry..."
"They're lucky," the switchman said.
"Good morning," said the railway switchman.
"What is it that you do here?" asked the little prince.
"I sort the travelers into bundles of a thousand," the switchman said. "I dispatch the trains that carry them, sometimes to the right, sometimes to the left."
And a brightly lit express train, roaring like thunder, shook the switchman's cabin.
"What a hurry they're in," said the little prince. "What are they looking for?"
"Not even the engineer on the locomotive knows," the switchman said.
And another brightly lit express train thundered by in the opposite direction.
"Are they coming back already?" asked the little prince.
"It's not the same ones," the switchman said. "It's an exchange."
"They weren't satisfied, where they were?" asked the little prince.
"No one is ever satisfied where he is," the switchman said.
And a third brightly lit express train thundered past.
"Are they chasing the first travelers?" asked the little prince.
"They aren't chasing anything," the switchman said. "They're sleeping in there, or else they're yawning. Only the children are pressing their noses against the windowpanes."
"Only the children know what they're looking for," said the little prince. "They spend their time on a rag doll and it becomes very important, and if it's taken away from them, they cry..."
"They're lucky," the switchman said.
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