A List Of Things, Part 1

Things I Have Too Many Of:

1. Tee Shirts
Yes. I own more tee shirts than any one person should. Especially since I'm a 30-year-old woman (?). Note: The question mark is not to reflect my questioning of whether or not I am female. I am for sure one of those. It's the "30-year-old" part that boggles me. Where did the years go? How do I qualify as 'functional adult'? What the hell is going on?? And that's my point. Look in my closet. You'll find zero power suits. Only a couple fancy dresses. No nightclub duds. And a stupid amount of tee shirts. Really. Is that the wardrobe of an adult? How did I sneak into that club?

2. Molars
I still got those pesky wisdom teeth. "Wisdom Teeth". What a load of crock. They make their presence known to me pretty much every day at this point. And they do not make me wiser. They make me cranky. Recently I had a dream that I went to have them taken out, and they decided they were going to take out my front teeth, too. Then they gave me braces and moved the outer incisors to the center, which made me look even funnier than I do now.

3. Pint Glasses
It must really look like I have a drinking problem. Open my cabinet and before you are somewhere between 35 and 45 pint glasses. On the one hand, this comes in handy when I go anti-domestic and let the dishes pile up. Or when I get a little beverage-happy and change the type of bevvie I'm sipping on 6 times in 3 hours. On the other, it's a lot of glasses. Hey! Maybe I have them for all those parties I have! Oh, that's right. I can't remember the last time there were more than 5 people here at one time. More than that and I'd probably freak out.

4. Stupid Crap
You know this stuff. The things that just materialize. Knick-knacks and tchotchkes that get set somewhere, then somewhere else, then put in a box, and then just seem to multiply on their own. One day you look around and BAM! you have stickers and buttons and keychains and branded luggage tags and a rubber Hot Wheels watch (that still works) on the bottom shelf of your coffee table. Time to go.

5. Books I Want To Read
This isn't really a bad thing. But is but one counterpoint to an item that will follow on another list.

6. Cats
Haha! Just kidding.... But, seriously...

7. Bills
Who doesn't? Fuck The Man, I say. Of course, I only say it because I do enjoy things like shelter and food. I could stick to just that, but then my prissy ass also enjoys such luxuries as indoor plumbing (including hot water!), garbage pickup, and mobile connectivity. Living large has its cost.

8. Unstarted Projects/Unrealized Ideas
So many things I planned to do, so many (like, all of them) undone. The flip side are the ideas I have where I can't get the details worked out. I want to arrange my furniture in an aesthetic manner, but have not the eye for such tasks. Same with decorating. I can't match my clothing. You think I can pony up some tasteful decor??

9. Activities I Want To Do
I like bowling. I also like trivia. But they happen on the same night! I like roller coasters, but can't make it to Atlanta for a simple fix, let alone to the Trifecta Of Fun in Ohio. Speaking of Ohio, I want to eat some Skyline really should visit my family in Cincinnati. I would like to go to the beach. Or to another country. I would like to, for the first time in my entire life, take an honest-to-FSM for-real vacation. I want to play with the Athens Symphony, and rejoin the Northwinds Symphonic Band. I want to take some sort of artistic movement class (but I don't want you to watch because you will laugh). All of these are also a counterpoint to more than one thing that will be on a subsequent list...

10. Crushes
First off, what a funny word! Second, by saying this, it would seem that I have a crush on anything that is at the very least not fully decomposed, but this is not the case. I am not one of those girls who 'crush' on every cute guy they see. I actually pretty much never have them. And that's ok. Because I think they're a pain in the ass. Up until recently the only crush I could claim to have had for a long while could be classified as the "Thirteen Year Old Schoolgirl" variety, wherein I admire from afar but have no actual desire to pursue it further. I'd rather just giggle and gawk and move on with my night. So that one doesn't count because it doesn't pop up in my head any other time. No, now I'm speaking of an actual crush. It's only one. And that's too many. I will elaborate on this soon (I need to write more anyway), but long story short, I don't have time for this stupidity. All it does is invade my brain when I don't need the distraction, render me unable to say anything interesting or clever when the opportunity for interaction arises, and make me obsess on what is wrong with me since it doesn't appear to be mutual. Which is frustrating as all hell. Boys are stupid, and crushes are stupid, and I'm too old for this crap.