You sank my battleship!

Rain. Overcast. Highly appropriate, for more reasons than one. Though today I am off of work and it would have been nice to be able to go sit in the sun somewhere. I could use some light right now. But instead it looks like a day inside, maybe getting some things done, but probably not. More than likely I'll just watch movies that I've been holding on to for way too long.

I slept for 13 hours last night. Went to sleep at 11pm, didn't get up until a little after noon today. And this was after a 2-hour nap yesterday evening. I was going to go to Transmet last night, have a beer or two, but I just didn't have the mental energy to be social. Sleeping is about all I have energy for right now.

I want to be happy with what I have, but when you're not sure what exactly you've got, it's hard to find somewhere to start. I look around and I don't see much; just a pile of dishes in the sink, a couple of unpaid bills, two cats that hang around because I feed them. There was a bigass bug on the floor this morning, but he's gone now, as I flushed him down the toilet... as I do everything else.

If I don't answer my phone it's not because I don't like you. I'm not giving up entirely, I don't think. It's just that I'm going to stay secluded within these walls (literal and figurative) for a bit and try to figure things out. My first instinct is to turn and run and hide, because I want to protect myself, but I know that this method doesn't ever actually accomplish anything at all. Unfortunately, that's what I always do anyway. I should quit allowing myself to get too close to people who don't want me that close, then I wouldn't be like this, but I never know until it's too late, and by then the damage has been done.

Can I roll the dice again? I'd like a do-over on life. A "Go Back 10 Spaces" card (or in my case 25 years) would be really cool. Why can't the rules of childhood games apply to life as well?

In case you didn't notice...

It was fucking hot as balls outside today. Just sitting and reading made me break a sweat. Absolutely disgusting. But now it appears that it may downpour, and that's grand. Because it doesn't quite feel like being smothered with a wet towel out there yet.

I am tired of people. In general. I think I'm going to quit interacting with them for a while. It seems that lately everone I know is concerned only with themselves and their own feelings. They don't understand that it's the very simple things that really hurt people. I also have been thinking a lot about the many people over the years who were my friends when it was convenient/beneficial for them, but now that they don't need me, they have disappeared. Or fallen into the 'aquaintance' category. There are a lot of them. Of course now I understand that they were never really 'friends' to begin with, considering the ease with which many of them departed my life.

One of my cats does NOT like the litter I am currently using. He has decided that the best place for him to go is in my bathroom. He shits in the tub, and pisses on the floor. It's very irritating, but would be a little less irritating if he would just swap the two and pee in the tub. At least then I wouldn't step in random puddles when I get up to use the bathroom at 4am. I think I would just faint if there was a one-week period where one of my cats didn't poop on the floor...

Ninety dollars at Kroger really doesn't get you very much when you're starting from nothing. My fridge still looks very sad and barren.

My hair is no longer the vibrant magenta-ish hue it was when the picture to the left was taken. In some spots it has faded to a slightly-orangey-sort of-carnation pink-kind of-purple color. Not so cute. But I keep running into people who I guess haven't seen me in over a month because they ask when I had it done... I didn't realize I'd been so M.I.A. I've also had people ask if I've been on vacation. Man, I wish!

I have a new ceiling fan in my bedroom. This one is much nicer than the old one, because this one doesn't shower me with sparks or flaming chunks of wiring when I flip on the wall switch. High class, baby.

I think I should jump ship. Bail out. Then there would be no more pressure. Nothing to worry about. Lonliness is much more tolerable when it doesn't involve others. I also think that what I said I was worried would happen (said some 4 months-or-so ago) has indeed happened. There is an imbalance. Therefore it's bound to topple.

Speaking of imbalances, that reminded me of that time I got thrown from a trampoline because my size just couldn't compete. I was 'double-jumped', I think is the term. I missed a tree trunk by about 6 inches and landed face first in a layer of dirt and pine needles. It was funny because there were only minor injuries. Now I am very distrustful of trampolines with more than one person on them. And see-saws. I had a similar incident with one of those when I was little, too. Damn laws of nature... and mean fat kids.

I got a nice little note from a woman at work today. Along with a pretty generous tip considering she only got two sodas. I love cheesy crap like this, though.... notes, drawings, etc. I take them and pin them up on my wall in the little spot between the front doorjamb and the wall, since it's too narrow to put anything else there. It's just a hodge-podge of that stuff. Haha, typing out that I do this, and reading it back just now, makes me feel like the biggest dork in the world. I'm sure I'm at least in the running for that title, though...

Maybe I will try to 'fix' my computer tonight. It's not broken, but I got a new DVD/CD burner drive since the current one has gone on the fritz. I've never opened a computer up before, so I hope I don't fuck it up. That would suck so much. Wish me luck on this one.

My new addiction- egg creams. A very tasty beverage made from things that don't seem to go together. There isn't egg in there, don't worry. But they do have an assload of sugar in them, so they aren't the healthiest thing in the world. But, of course, when have I ever been known to eat healthy. So, yeah, I say whatever to that. Bring it on.

Egads. This is long. So I will stop. Later, taters.






Later, taters?? Wow. That was lame.

I like pretzels

Yeah, so I'm blogging simply for the sake of blogging. I don't have anything important to say, I'm not possessing some history-altering piece of information, and I honestly don't care if you think I'm full of shit or not. I mean, mostly because I already know that everyone thinks I'm full of shit...


  I'm just bored. I have lots of time to kill this week. I don't work again until Monday, so not only do I have nothing to do, I also have no money, so I can't go do something else since everything costs (at least a little) money. You should entertain me. Or feed me, that'd be cool too.

  Currently I'm drinking a High Life and eating pretzel sticks. I was going to get PBR but Lee's was out of it. OUT OF PBR. Both cans and bottles. What sort of ridiculousness is that?? Though I was only getting PBR because I couldn't afford anything else at the time...

  My mom may come visit again soon, but this time she won't bring that friend of hers. Cool lady, but a bit unrefined for my tastes. Well, I mean more of the 'unrefined, and having to explain her actions to my friends' type of unrefined. Anyway, Mom might come hang out, but only if there isn't a memorial service for the 9-year-old son of a friend of hers. For those of you that watch the news, I'm talking about the little boy who got murdered in his apartment complex on Monday by a stranger. The boy made the mistake of telling a passing car in the parking lot that the car had a wobbly wheel, and someone in the car taught him a lesson by embedding a hatchet in his face. I will never understand the completely fucked up shit that some people do.

  Monday was mostly fun- Trivia was good, then I went and got my ass handed to me in a few games of darts. Then I hung out with Eric, and went to Matt's house to drink more beer and watch 'Futurama'. I say 'mostly fun' because everything was fun until we left Matt's house and I had to ride my bike back into town. That hill sucks. A lot. And I know there is an easier way to get back to my house from there, but Eric wouldn't be swayed from taking that hill. I'll just take the shortcut by myself next time.

  I can't think of anything else to say right now; rather, I can't think of anything that would be suitable to share with the general Internet population, so I'm going to sign off now. Hope everyone is enjoying their summer and the stickiness and sweatiness that goes along with it. I know that I am quite the sweaty girl. Not that you really wanted to know that...

tiny e, Over and Out.