Rain. Overcast. Highly appropriate, for more reasons than one. Though today I am off of work and it would have been nice to be able to go sit in the sun somewhere. I could use some light right now. But instead it looks like a day inside, maybe getting some things done, but probably not. More than likely I'll just watch movies that I've been holding on to for way too long.
I slept for 13 hours last night. Went to sleep at 11pm, didn't get up until a little after noon today. And this was after a 2-hour nap yesterday evening. I was going to go to Transmet last night, have a beer or two, but I just didn't have the mental energy to be social. Sleeping is about all I have energy for right now.
I want to be happy with what I have, but when you're not sure what exactly you've got, it's hard to find somewhere to start. I look around and I don't see much; just a pile of dishes in the sink, a couple of unpaid bills, two cats that hang around because I feed them. There was a bigass bug on the floor this morning, but he's gone now, as I flushed him down the toilet... as I do everything else.
If I don't answer my phone it's not because I don't like you. I'm not giving up entirely, I don't think. It's just that I'm going to stay secluded within these walls (literal and figurative) for a bit and try to figure things out. My first instinct is to turn and run and hide, because I want to protect myself, but I know that this method doesn't ever actually accomplish anything at all. Unfortunately, that's what I always do anyway. I should quit allowing myself to get too close to people who don't want me that close, then I wouldn't be like this, but I never know until it's too late, and by then the damage has been done.
Can I roll the dice again? I'd like a do-over on life. A "Go Back 10 Spaces" card (or in my case 25 years) would be really cool. Why can't the rules of childhood games apply to life as well?
I slept for 13 hours last night. Went to sleep at 11pm, didn't get up until a little after noon today. And this was after a 2-hour nap yesterday evening. I was going to go to Transmet last night, have a beer or two, but I just didn't have the mental energy to be social. Sleeping is about all I have energy for right now.
I want to be happy with what I have, but when you're not sure what exactly you've got, it's hard to find somewhere to start. I look around and I don't see much; just a pile of dishes in the sink, a couple of unpaid bills, two cats that hang around because I feed them. There was a bigass bug on the floor this morning, but he's gone now, as I flushed him down the toilet... as I do everything else.
If I don't answer my phone it's not because I don't like you. I'm not giving up entirely, I don't think. It's just that I'm going to stay secluded within these walls (literal and figurative) for a bit and try to figure things out. My first instinct is to turn and run and hide, because I want to protect myself, but I know that this method doesn't ever actually accomplish anything at all. Unfortunately, that's what I always do anyway. I should quit allowing myself to get too close to people who don't want me that close, then I wouldn't be like this, but I never know until it's too late, and by then the damage has been done.
Can I roll the dice again? I'd like a do-over on life. A "Go Back 10 Spaces" card (or in my case 25 years) would be really cool. Why can't the rules of childhood games apply to life as well?
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