Same old, same old

Six weeks ago, I was seriously ready to just pack up everything and get the hell out of here. Sadly enough, I really can't lie and say that that sentiment has gone away. Because it hasn't. Nothing much has changed, other than the fact that I renewed my lease and therefore am under contract here in Athens until the end of next June. I suppose that should I feel the need to bail I could try to find a subleaser(s), but that is just so unreliable as far as a time frame goes that it doesn't seem worth the trouble.Time frame meaning the time required to quit a job the proper way, and plan getting all my shit from Point A to Point B, including cats, etc. without owning a car and not really knowing how to drive one, and the whole big thing of having a specific Point B to go to. I could have done it six weeks ago, had I had the balls to just do it, but I don't because I really am just a big wuss. Another thing that keeps me here is that though I am a pessimist and always am thinking that this is as good as it can possibly get (and that's never that good, really, in my mind at least, because logically I do know that things could be WAY worse; I'm not completely clueless...), I also have this strange optimist bug in my brain that keeps wanting to believe that next week everything will be awesome. "Yeah, you should get the hell out, just leave. It doesn't matter anyway... but then again, next week may be great. You never know until you get there, wait and see..." So it's like I set myself up for continual disappointment. Which over time just worsens the situation. I stay here because I am too chicken shit to do otherwise. And I stay here because I keep wanting to believe that this town will deliver what I hope it can. And I stay here because I also know that what is getting to me here isn't city-specific... it'll follow me. And so it's me choosing from the lesser of two evils. What is better? Staying here, in a place where I have nothing, a place where everything is temporary and nothing is stable or reliable, a place where it seems I can go nowhere else but down, but at least I am familiar with it?? Or to be somewhere (go somewhere) where I have nothing, no stability or reliability, etc..., but where I also know no one and have no familiarity or 'home base' at all? Is it worth the risk at all, knowing that nothing will really be different other than my actual address? Because it's all the same really... at least here I know which bus to take to get to the grocery store.
 
I wish I had come with an Owners Manual...

  In other news, my landlord rented Ye Olde RotoRooter thing-a-ma-bob and came and snaked out my main drain (har har... doesn't that sound dirty??). So now I can do dishes and take a shower and do a full load of laundry without the water making my toilet bubble and backing up into my bathtub. That was gross... Oh! And I can flush my toilet more than once a day without it backing up into my bathtub. That was grosser. Yay-hoo!
 
Today I took The Bus to Earth Fare for the hell of it. I was off of work and wanted out of the house, and decided to go buy some organic steak. Not that I can really afford organic steak, but a craving set in and that was it... off we go. After buying my junk and leaving the store (equipped with a Flagpole for the bus wait/ride... I attract 'colorful, eccentric' characters; i.e. crazy people who want to chat with me/old men who try to ask me out and give me their numbers and stalk me at work, so I have to be prepared to not make eye contact with anyone just in case) I go and sit at the stop and wait, as I had about 10 minutes to kill. Of course some crazy older lady shows up to wait as well, and she starts waving her UGA ID around and talking to herself (like conversations...) and then singing at the top of her lungs... She started hovering a little too close to me, like she wanted to get my attention to chat, but since she was also singing out loud at the time, I just kept my head buried in the Flagpole. It makes me laugh a little, simply because other than the bums downtown, who don't count since I so often ignore them anymore, I rarely see people like this unless I am either on The Bus or at the DMV (or sometimes WalMart). Though the DMV wins hands down as far as being the Ultimate Human Wasteland and/or the Point of Entry to Society for anyone who is able to be described as "Crawling Out Of The Woodwork". Yes. I am going to Hell.
  
There was something else I was going to write, something that was one of the reasons I wrote anything to begin with, but for now it has escaped me. Probably because I need to just go to sleep. It's late. I'm tired. I wanted to sleep with my windows open, but the 'fresh air' tonight feels more like wet paper towels draped over my face. Refreshing! So I sucked it up and just turned down the A/C to a comfortable temperature. Huh, ok. It's not coming back to me, so I will just give up and end it here. I know, it's sad, whatever will you do??