They say that 30 is the new 20...

This Saturday is my 30th birthday. I didn't think I'd care, but now that it looms less than 5 days away, I realize I do. I'm freaking out a little. A lot. I don't know. Not about being old or anything like that, but about the fact that at this point it's entirely possible I may never get a few of the things I wanted in my life. Some things have time limits. I guess it's the beginning of coming to terms with dreams lost. And trying not to wonder why others somehow 'deserve' those things more than I, since that is how I often feel. It's stupid and unfounded, I know. But that's how it is. You see things drift out of touch, and wonder what you did wrong. What you did to deserve losing out. And what the hell those people did to be better than you and deserve it more. Blah. Anyway.

My mom called today while I was at work. Left a message. She thought I called her last night... Nope. I did leave her a message about a month ago, so I guess it was that message she just got. In the message she said she went and visited my grandmother out in Arizona recently; my grandmother moved there this past springtime. That's cool. But part of me wonders how she found the time to go to Arizona (from McDonough) when she's been too busy the past 4 years to make it to Athens for one day... such is life, though.

WHAT I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY

• A car. My requirements are few. Decent running condition. Heat/air. A radio. No missing windows. And no parasitic infestations. Being filled with ticks is totally a deal-breaker.
•  A massage. My muscles hate me.
• Someone else to throw me a birthday party. I've had one party/gathering my entire life (no exaggeration- never had a kid's party), and I organized it. For my 27th. And at the end of the night, a number of people skipped out on their open tabs, and I ended up shelling out an extra hundred bucks to buy their dinner and drinks. Not cool. Happy birthday to me.
• People to just actually commit to coming to a birthday gathering I try to put together so I don't just stay home and get hammered alone. Which is very tempting.
• A new wardrobe. I've been wearing the same shit for 6 years. Some things longer. I need someone with some style to help me out, too. I got fashion-issues.
• To not owe anyone money.
• Finding a super-awesome man-friend wouldn't be too shabby, either. Notice I didn't say boyfriend. I'm sick to death of 25-35 year old boys. 

WHAT I WILL NOT GET FOR MY BIRTHDAY

• All of the above.

WHAT I CAN EXPECT TO GET FOR MY BIRTHDAY 

• BLOTTO. Yes, sir. Whether it be out with some folks, or home with my cats. It will happen.
• Bills in my mailbox. Those come every day. Except Sunday. Good Christian bills, they are.
• Cat puke somewhere in my house. Another absolute given.
• A phone call from at least one family member. Quite possibly a parent, much less possibly both parents. 
• A year older. No shit, Shirlock, but which leads to...
• More grey hair.
• A raging kill-me-now hangover. It'll be a belated gift, but the magnitude will make up for the tardiness.