not currently for human consumption

Time can take its toll on the best of us
Look at you, you're growing old so young
Traffic lights blink at you in the evening
Tilt your head and turn it to the sun
Sometimes the T.V. is like a lover
Singing softly as you fall asleep
You wake up in the morning and it's still there
Adding up the things you'll never be

Alright, I can say what you want me to
Alright, I can do all the things you do
Alright, I'll make it all up for you
I'm still in love with you
I'm still in love with you

Time can take its toll on the best of us
Look at you, you're growing old so young
Traffic lights blink at you in the evening
You tilt your head and turn it to the setting sun
You disembark the lastest flight from Paradise
You almost turn your ankle in the snow
You fall back in to where you started
Make up words to songs you used to know, so...

Alright, I can say what you want me to
Alright, I can do all the things you do
Alright, I'll make it all up for you
I'm still in love with you
I'm still in love with you

The hard-luck god, he never had a chance you know
Incurable romantics never do
He held a flame I wasn't born to carry
I'll leave the dying young stuff up to you
You get back on the latest flight to Paradise
I found out from a note taped to the door
I think I saw your airplane in the sky tonight
Through my window, lying on the kitchen floor

Alright, I can say what you want me to
(I want more)
Alright, I can do all the things you do
(Give me more)
Alright, I'll make it all up for you
I'm still in love with you
I'm still in love with you
(I want more)
Alright, I can say what you want me to
(Give me more)
Alright, I can do all the things you do
(I want more from you)
Alright, I'll make it all up for you
I'm still in love with you
I'm still in love with you
                  -Heart (Stars)
----------------------------------------------------------------
How can you be OK with the way things are? OK with spending a total of 2, maybe 3, hours together over the last 13 days. OK with our 4-minute phone conversations that consist of mostly silence and small talk about work. OK with the fact that we haven't been intimate in any way ONCE other than a cuddle or two since we started this whole thing again. Is there no more passion? Have you just lost all interest? I need to hear you say what I am to you. What is holding this together? It's like smoke. I really do feel that we are going to be forever out-of-sync. I want more. I need more. I know you do, too. But how can you know what you need if you don't even yet know what you want? This is not a relationship... we don't relate to each other at all anymore. It's making me unhappy. It's making me question. And it's causing me to begin distancing, preparing for the inevitable. We're miles away from the closeness we had 2.5 years ago, when we were simply friends. We're going backwards.  It's not hard to recognize a sinking ship when you're standing on it. I was less lonely when I was alone. What do I do? What do you want to do? What will become of this?
The clock is ticking...

Dear Turdmuncher,

Please remove the effin' cell phone from your ear. This way you might not run my bike-riding ass down when you change lanes in your yellow-ribboned, W-stickered, baby-penguin-killing monster of a vehicle (which I'm sure you use to haul all sorts of rough-'n'-tough cargo through the wilds of Marietta). Or if you do pancake me anyway, at least it'd be a good ol' fashioned vehicular homicide rather than you being a follower and using the excuse of "oh, shit officer, I didn't even see her!". But know this: if you kill me, rest assured that I will haunt your ass 'till your dying day. Nothing will be safe on your shelves and I'll flicker lights until you have seizures. And then when you show up at whatever party the afterlife might be, I will promptly give you a swift kick in the balls.


Edit: I just went into my kitchen to make dinner. Instead I found a bunch of stuff knocked over on my counter, the hood vent screen off, a poster above the stovetop ripped off the wall, and a dead lizard on my floor. I'm not too happy with my cats right now.

the past that suits you best

Tonight I got bored and instead of doing responsible things like my dishes or laundry, I decided to click on the little "Henry County High School" link on my MySpace page. This brings up pages upon pages of profiles belonging to people who also went to that shithole of a high school; "Attendance a Must, Education a Plus!". Upon narrowing the field to people between the ages of 25 and 28, I saw a lot of profiles for people I used to know. But would not know now.

My, how things change. A lot of them are married. Even more have children. Some got fat, or went bald, and a few have suspiciously huge boobs now. And about 75-80% of them STILL LIVE IN HENRY COUNTY. This boggles the mind. I can't think of anything off the top of my head that could convince me to move back to McDonough.

I do have to wonder what these people are like now that they've got another 8 years under the belt. Are they still as petty and clique-ish as they were back in the day? Have they become more open-minded with age? Those with whom I shared classes, what would they think of me today?

I was not a Popular Kid. Or a Cool Kid. Or even close to being one of the handful of girls that always made up the cheerleading squad/homecoming court/etc.etc.etc. I am pretty sure I wasn't thought of very highly, if even thought of at all. I remember this guy David Smoak, shortly after moving into our school, coming around a bookshelf in the library, where I was sitting on the floor reading a book, kicking me in the knee HARD, and then claiming that he didn't see me sitting there. Total bullshit. (sidenote: Mr Smoak ended up living on the floor above me in the dorms freshman year of college. He acted like we were great buddies, introduced me as his "friend from high school", stuff like that. He liked to occupy his time by running up and down his hall with his balls hanging out of the fly of his boxers and by pissing out his dorm room window into the dumpster five stories down). Back then, at good ole HCHS, I was known for one thing, which was being in the band. Not really the sort of thing that raises one's social status. Also, in the yearbook, my name was omitted from half the group/club/organization photos I was in, and the times it was included, it was misspelled.

I went on one date in high school. If it can even be counted as a date. I went to the prom my sophomore year with the foreign exchange student from Spain. It was uneventful, I think we danced to maybe two songs. The night was spent sitting around looking at everything.

Yeah. High school sucked. Hell no would I go back if I could. I feel sorry for people who claim it was the best years of their lives, if only because it happens so early on in life. They sure do have a disappointing 60 years ahead of them.

And though I always said I wouldn't attend a reunion, quite honestly I think it'd be highly entertaining...

Sleep on the floor, dream about me

One serving of Cheez-It brand snack crackers equals 27 crackers.

When I was little I had a whole collection of books from the "I Can Read" series. I'm suddenly remembering that some of them were the most enchanting little stories, and many had beautiful illustrations. I really wish I still had them. Particularly the Little Bear stories. I also wish I still had my Sweet Pickles books.


I went to buy a new bus pass today, and the woman at the counter asked me if I wanted the Youth pass or the Adult pass. I know I look younger than my age, but come on...

After the blowup of last Thursday, things are better. Still not talked about, but better.

I want a new job. I want a job that has any sort of relevance to my current course of study. Moreso, I want a job that is not in a restaurant. Unfortunately, it's hard to find such a job that will not conflict with being in school again.

I got yelled at by a cop the other night for not having a headlight on my bike.

Last night, Kevin's car broke down, and he wasn't able to make it to Taco Stand for trivia. So I ran the whole show by myself. His wife arranged for the equipment and questions to be dropped off. It sort of sucked. I'm not the greatest at public speaking, and having to speak into the microphone freaked me out. I'm not all witty and crap like Kevin is. And the crowd was sort of crappy...  either way, I got through it. Hopefully next week things will be back to normal.


I should have gotten the Youth pass.

Buggin' out.

I think the dude in charge of advertisement for this company is a little out of touch...

On another note, the good ole' lasts-10-years, uses-less-energy, better-for-the-environment fluorescent bulb currently in my front porch fixture will be given the boot tomorrow. I love that it doesn't burn out. I don't love the number of bugs it attracts. Coming home at night is like walking through a gauntlet of gnats, moths, lacewings, and June bugs. GROSS. But, I could deal with that... the dealbreaker is that it also attracts every wasp in the neighborhood. At night. I walk out and there are 6 huge wasps flying themselves into the light like any Joe Schmoe moth. NO.

forever misunder(standing)(stood)

I have a scanner now. So I thought I'd share my favorite photograph ever. I think this was taken in 1978 or 79. A different era. In a place I haven't seen in years, and I'll never see again. What I love about this photograph is the utter randomness and, well, I can't even think of what else. The burnt-out lightbulb. The open pantry door. The shadow of the phone cord, and the cat that died when I was 9. Anyway... here it is.

 edit: i just though of this... in this photograph, my mother is younger than i am now.

I was all by myself

So, I'm currently finishing up a chicken calzone and a bottle of wine at Transmet. All by myself. I'm going to be TONS of fun in about 30 minutes...