Drop it like it's Hot...or Not.

This week I've written no blogs (until now, obviously). This week I've had 54 views. Who is reading my brain spewage? I should put a disclaimer on here: "Warning: Self-depricating, pessimistic, poorly-written writings ahead. Please wear eye protection. Management is not responsible for soured moods, IQ depreciation due to bad grammar, or overdose of elipses, parentheses, or bullshit. Thank you."


Out of curiousity I clicked "Ranking Score" under the "View My" menu. I guess sometime a long time ago I put a photo there, which I'm guessing is no longer on my profile since there was just a box with a red X. Why people do this I have no idea. Aren't we all tired of being judged? So why subject yourself to more judging, this time on such a superficial level? Anyway, it told me that my average score was a 4.0. Now I've never claimed to be a hottie by any means; I do own a mirror and I do see 'the competition' every day... but, this 4.0 ranking was based on ZERO votes. WTF? Zero people voted the non-existant photo an average of 4.0.

Perhaps this is proof of some sort of higher power? Maybe God himself is like, "Damn. Made in My image?? I don't think so... 4." Because I would guess that if there is a God He would probably be a 10. Or at least we'd all tell him that so as not to be cast into the Lake of Fire or whatever the hell it's called.

The Coast Is Never Clear

A fairly productive week:

-gift certificate used to give me what I needed: another hole in my head.
-caught up with the math crap.
-kicked ass (for me at least) at bowling.
-actually ate real food, not just pretzels and M&M's.
-exchanged some too-big pants.
-studied for, and did well on, a quiz.
-caught up with VET 101 reading.
-rabies vaccine 2 completed.
-purchased most of the supplies I still needed for school. Most... still some more. Always more it seems.
-printed out all BIO 197 notes.
-got my hur did.
-naps. sleep. class. work.
-more.

All at the expense of whatever excuse for a social life I had previously. I don't see anyone, I don't talk to anyone, and I don't even feel like returning the few calls I've gotten. I'm self-exiled. It's not over, even with all that done. Next: 4 days of working early, read, study, test this weekend (online class), test on Tuesday, test on Thursday. And my house has reached such a state of disarray that I can barely stand to be here. It seriously depresses me to look at this place. I'm tempted to take a few days off work to get all my shit in order again, but I can't afford to do that.

I also have other shit weighing on my mind.
It's gone. I felt most of it slip away suddenly a couple weeks ago, but thought maybe it was just a funk. That by just going with the flow, playing along, my heart could be refilled. And then, one small thing; a poorly-timed, offhandedly rude, though fairly innocuous, comment thrown my way. The sort of line/delivery that any other time might have been taken with a grain of salt, and returned with the entire shaker. Only this time, it was the old cliched straw, and my back was broken/heart was drained/patience gone/bubble of hope deflated/whatever conveys this feeling of shutting off the best. I turned and left, and the next morning found I had no desire to try anymore. The care is still there, but the will, resolve, the rest... it's just gone.

This makes me ache, because now I know that I carry information that will bring sadness to the one person I have tried (albeit often unsuccessfully) to make happy. How hypocritical, but there's no other way around it. Either way, this will be the last you hear of it.

If a tree falls in the forest...

So maybe I'm not any good at this either. 'This' being school, and 'this' being life. What a screw-up I must look like to them. Could it be that I really am destined to be just a stupid waitress? Do I really lack the mental capacity to excel (or hell, just be proficient) at anything else? (of course not... I'm being pissy. but still, if not this, than what? i'm out of ideas.)

Today has been a big crapfest of a day. Unfortunately it's not over yet.

Grrrrrrrrr.

There is danger all around you!

Stop the insanity! Why does our government, which is so hell-bent on controlling and regulating every other aspect of our lives, continue to ignore things like this? (for you link-challenged, that's www.dhmo.org) Yes, of course. Because of how continued use of this chemical compound benefits the economic side of things... Screw the fact that inhaling even small amounts is fatal- it's cheap, widely accessible, and can be very useful; let's put it in everything! I, for one, am outraged. Luckily, here in Athens-Clarke, we are currently seeing a major reduction in the amounts of this vile substance in our local environment.

The all-natural cat toy

I used to regularly find large wood roaches, slugs, and stink bugs in my house. Lately, this has changed to green anoles. I like the little lizards much more, but so do my cats. This doesn't bode well for the anoles.

The first I found a few weeks ago, and by the time I found him, he was very dead. Monday evening, a second one was presented to me by Oliver (while I was on the toilet- great timing, cat), who was very proud of his catch. This guy wasn't dead, but spent the next 6 hours completely unconscious in a little Tupperware enclosure I made complete with leaves and bark and mist and a platic wrap lid. Yes, I punched holes in the plastic... I was happy to see him awake and recovered this morning, so I released him. Then this afternoon while napping I was jerked awake by a freaking out Sadie, who was chasing another anole along my bedroom wall and window. Luckily I caught her without incident, and before the cats actually got to her, so she got out with all her parts (the guy from yesterday lost his tail).

I wonder where these things are coming from? I figure as long as it's just anoles and not scorpions or copperheads or vampire bats, I'm cool. I just don't want to keep coming home to find lizard pieces all over my house.

Now for sleep. Long day tomorrow.