All these things we'll one day swallow whole

An exhausting past few days. Fun mostly. I will sleep soundly tonight.

This was on the PostSecret blog today.

A part of me immediately wished it was meant for me. The other part knew that was impossible. I'm sure it hit thousands of others the same way; broken hearts aren't really all that scarce. I do hope that whoever this card was written to sees it and is able to find some clue that gives away the identity of the creator. In my head I see people all over the country staring at this card like I did for a minute, searching for the mark that would make it theirs, and feeling the pang of disappointment when that mark can't be found.

All the kings horses and all the kings men...

After writing this, I will most likely spend the rest of the day cleaning my house. It has gotten intolerable in here, and now that I'm not in school I have no excuses to ignore it any longer. So yay, cleaning!

I got home yesterday and found my most favorite childhood relic smashed to pieces on the floor. It was the cookie jar from my dad's house, a ceramic cat with some random tulips on it and two little birds for the handle (sitting on the cat's head). Though I really like this thing, I've never really felt overly attached to my material things. I surprised myself by bursting into tears at the sight of it, and crying bitterly the entire time I was cleaning it up. I did save all the pieces that hadn't been reduced to dust, and once I find some superglue I'm going to attempt to put it back together.

I missed getting an A in one of my classes by 0.3 points. I like to say I don't really care about my grades, and I really wouldn't be bothered by getting a B if I had an 86 or something, but when it's that close... well, that's just annoying. I got A's in my other two classes, but this B ruins my perfect record in my program (I have gotten two other B's so far, but not in program classes- Microbiology and College Algebra). So boo to that.

I'm selling my bass and practice amp. They are listed on Craigslist now. If anyone is interested let me know. I'll also be trying to sell a crappy flute and a decent clarinet. After that I might sell a kidney.

I will NOT adopt another cat; I will NOT adopt another cat...

Regional FirstCare called. It's official that I have me a MRSA infection. I have yet to take any of the hydrocodone they gave me, but the antibiotic is making my belly unhappy. I guess it's better than dying of Staph, though.

Took a craptastic Pharmacology exam today. Doing large animal radiography tomorrow. Then Part 2 of my Surgical Nursing practical exam on Wednesday. As of right now, it's looking like this is as far as I go with this school program, which makes me sad. I'm gonna give a few more places a try for employment, and should have done that this afternoon, but my belly wasn't having the moving around too much.

I received an unexpected email on Friday afternoon. I don't know what to make of it, and I haven't decided what my course of action would be. I was surprised because there had been no contact for almost 2 months by now, and this was after a few desperate attempts at getting through on my part that were flatly ignored in the first of those months. I really just can't figure why he'd resurface now (especially since he must know that my opinion of him is pretty much in the shitter) and what he wanted to accomplish by contacting me. He's gone from Athens, and sounds as if he has no intentions of ever returning, so it's not a reconciliation. The entire thing was fairly vague, and a few things he said pertaining to me and what I wanted were blatantly wrong- it appears he didn't read either of the emails I sent to him, nor remembered half the shit I ever said to him, and he mentions talking to 'mutual friends'- the problem with that statement is that by then, I was barely in contact with any of these friends we used to share (they were mostly Grill people, from whom I'd already been drifting away for some time), so how would they be able to give any sort of insight on what was in my head? Anyway, part of me wants to respond in a civil, friendly fashion and see what happens. Another part wants to respond with only things I had already sent to him that directly contradict his latest email. Another part wants to respond and basically tell him off. More though, I think it would be best to not respond at all. So I don't think I will. I have a feeling he really doesn't want me to anyway, and that even if I did he'd just do what he always did before and not read it. He's the one who pulled the long-term disappearing act (twice now). And this is the second time he's gone a few months and then contacted me. What the hell is it that he wants?

I have run out of dry cat food, and Joe is driving me up a wall with his "I'm hungry!" shenanigans. I'm giving wet food, but I guess they like the dry better. Geez. It's not like he's going to starve to death. It would take him a good couple weeks to burn off that fat store he drags around with him.

It's Not A Too-mah!

A hundred and twenty bucks later, I'm (almost) armpit-growth-free.

It was in fact a very large abscess. VERY large. The nurse asked me how long it had been there, and then asked if I'd been having fevers. I haven't at all, and she was surprised. I guess this means my immune system is strong like bull.

I went to the Doc-In-A-Box out on Highway 29. They numbed the thing up (which incidentally was the most painful part), cut it open, and squeezed out a shitload of goo. Yeah, that's sexy, huh? Luckily the crap didn't have any odor because that would have just been embarrassing. I mean, I was already feeling pretty unglamourous for having to go in with a freakin' growth in my armpit. Unluckily, the nurse said that the majority of the time if the exudate isn't smelly, it ends up being MRSA. They did a culture and will let me know in a few days if they gave me a proper antibiotic. So now I got an open incision with a drain in it in my armpit. Covered with a big ol' bandage. Yummy.

I was told the most painful part would be the injection to numb the area, and that after the pressure was relieved, everything would feel much better. This is true. So I was a little surprised when the discharge tech came in and said, "Here are your discharge instructions. And she wrote you two prescriptions; one is an antibiotic and the other is a pain medication". I figured they probably gave me a prescription-strength ibuprofen/aceteminophen/naproxen sodium. So I'm thinking, "Like hell I'm paying for that- I'll just take extra Aleve if it hurts". Nope. Then I look at the script and they gave me Lortab. WTF? Really? So yay for narcotics. I got it filled, but have yet to take any. Aleve is working just fine.

I'm so glad I'm not a yeast...

Because if I were, this would probably mean I was having babies. 

Sooo... I'm sure this falls into the "you didn't need to know that" or "TMI" category, but I've had this, well, thing in my right armpit for a little over a month now. It's a cyst-like growth that started out as a little bump. It got a little irritated for a bit from getting chafed by my shirt sleeves, but didn't really ever do much else. I figured it was some sort of hair follicle irritation/zit-like whatever that would run its course and go away. But it didn't.

It's not in the very depth of my pit or anything. It's actually just under the arm, before you even get to the armpit hair, in the little crease at the edge of the superficial pectoral muscle. Right where there are a bunch of lymph nodes.

Either way, whatever it is finally gained conscious thought or something and started growing. Just a little, for a while (which is why I figured it would do its thing and then pop like a zit). However, by this past Monday it had gotten to about the size of a nickel. Still not huge, but it now had a seperate red bump on top of it (from shirt irritation, I'm still guessing). It was painful if poked. I started thinking I needed to get it looked at.
As of this writing, this shit is nearing half-dollar size, and it's showing no signs of slowing down. The red 'hat' is now an angry, angry red and is an inch long, 1/2 inch tall oval. The whole area has a constant throbbing ache, and in a 5 inch radius all around the lump even the skin is super sensitive to a slight touch. If I do push on the lump, it doesn't give like it's filled with liquid. The entire thing moves. My clavicle feels like it's getting pushed up, and it hurts to move my arm. It's like there's a small animal burrowed into my axillary region. Yeah. It just fucking hurts. I actually had trouble sleeping last night because of it.

So in the spirit of enjoying the company of my right arm while simultaneously turning my back on major systemic infection, I will be going to show it to someone other than a classmate tomorrow (even though I have a classmate who offered to aspirate it for me...). And, I will show this growth in a mature adult 'please give me your professional advice on the best course of action to alleviate this' way, and not in the immature goofball  'holy shit look at this, what the fuck is it? check out what happens when I poke it, I should let it grow and join a freak show' way.


And if you're lucky, maybe I'll post some pictures. People love looking at crap like this...

Na, wie geht's?

Today when I signed on, all of the advertisements on my homepage were in German.

No news. School is winding down. Had my last practical exam for one class today. Yay for urinalysis and fecal exams! Just in case you were wondering, Joe is internal parasite-free. What's left is two exams, an assignment, and two finals in Pharmacology, two finals and a two-part practical in Nursing, and a final in Diagnostics.

There is not one source out there for me to aquire a loan with which to continue my schooling. A personal loan from my bank isn't an option what with the unemployment (and even if I still worked at the restaurant, my documented income would be too low), and I have found no student loans available for use at Athens Tech. Not that this matters really, as I also will probably be homeless soon.

In a moment of boredom and curiosity, I looked at a particular someone's MySpace page (I am not a 'friend' of this person, but the page isn't private... yeah I know. I don't stalk people ALL the time). What I saw was an ammendment to this person's contact info; "[NOT] athens, ga". Finally what I was asking and getting no answer to months ago has been answered. Looks like it was his plan all along, so it's good that my 'give a shit' factor for this person has diminished to near nothing. Not quite nothing, but out of sight, out of mind. So soon enough. Though I do wonder how it would have gone down had our relationship not imploded completely. I have a feeling I would have woken up one morning three weeks ago, and found him gone with hardly a trace. Either way, I'm know I'm better off and I'm finally feeling that way about it all. Which is good. It's not my fault he sucks at life, and it wasn't my job to get him to grow up. Ha- it sort of makes me laugh now that I think about it from the outside: the vision of a balding (skulleted) man in his mid-30's with a severe inferiority complex, an inability to connect to or care for anyone who is over the age of 24 and located in the same state, who quits/disconnects from everything/everyone every few years for fear of any sort of permanance, and who loves only his bicycle. (yeah- I wonder what I ever saw in him...) Perhaps that makes him happy now, but I know if that were me I'd be horribly lonely and the happiness of that "freedom" would fade fast after a while. I think eventually this is what will happen with him. But again, it's no longer my problem and no longer my concern. And I am glad. Even more so now that I know I won't be seeing him around town anymore.

Congratulations go out to Martha for the addition of her new baby boy, Otis. In what seems to be divine timing, a cutie-pie of a puppy turned up stray in her neighborhood letting her trade one dog for another (har har). Makes me want a dog, but then my cats would never come out from under the bed again. Well, they'd probably come out to pee on all my stuff out of spite, but there would be no more kitty cuddles for me. Someday I will have my full menagerie.

Ummmm... yeah I think that's it. Sorry to those of you who have called and left me messages over the past month or so that I have not answered or called back in a timely fashion (Heny, Ansley, Lindsey... probably more... I suck). I'll call at some point, I promise. I just can't say when.

over this, it, here, and you.

I am 98% sure of where I'll be in 6-8 weeks. Well, 98% sure of where I won't be. There are 7 more days left for that 2% chance of things changing, but 2% isn't much. Planning will commence shortly.


And you can stay where you are, which is out of my life, forever for all I care. I hope you enjoy the lonely life you've continually set yourself up for.