In my Dreams, he is waiting for me in my room when I get home. He tells me how badly he has missed me, and that in this time apart he has realized exactly how much he does love me. He says he's changed his mind and wants to try and work this through. He hugs me and apologizes for the pain this has caused, and promises to make it better. For those few moments before waking, I am in pure bliss. What power our Dreams can have! But only while we're sleeping...
Then I open my eyes and mentally fall into Reality.
Upon entering Reality, I know that he is probably already over me. That he is happy to no longer be required to devote time to someone he didn't ever really want to be with, and probably misses me about as much as most people miss dysentery. To him, I have become nothing more than a blip on the screen of his past as he regains his freedom to find something better.
In this Reality, I then spend the rest of my waking hours struggling to keep the sickening hollow sensation within me from bursting forth from my eyes as hot sticky tears. I fight to keep thoughts of him from invading each and every activity of the day, diverting my attention from matters I need to be addressing. I resist with everything I have to not reach out to him in a futile, and ultimately pathetic, effort to make him understand me, to make him come back to me.
By the end of the day, this Reality has worn me thin and that hollow feeling finally overtakes the floodgates. The levees break, and the tears flow freely as I slowly drift back into the fairy tale ending of my Dreams, which come again to give me a brief reprieve until the next morning arrives.
In my Dreams, Love always wins. In Reality, it's nothing more than a four letter word.
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