yes, i know this is tiresome...

but I drink a (9.8%) beer or two and then I don't care what anyone thinks. I'm stuck in a sort of limbo right now. There's a big part of me that wants to just throw in the towel and leave town. But the other part doesn't want to deal with the unknowns of doing so. I feel as if my life right now could be a study in mediocrity. Job. Personal life. Social life. All of it. I haven't done anything to make anyone hate me, but at the same time, I haven't done anything to make anyone love me either. I'm not good enough to: get good hours at my current job/get the career I want/go to the grad school I want/fall in love with/accomplish things my relatives think are important. But at the same time I'm not bad enough to: get fired/get evicted/have enemies/bitter exes/be disowned by said family/give up entirely on past dreams. I'm just existing here. Right on the edge. I'm one of those nondescript individuals you see lurking about town. The ones in their mid-twenties to mid-thirties. The ones that aren't ready to grow up, but yet are tired of being treated like a child. There are a lot of us, I'm sure. If only I could find the other ones. I wouldn't feel so solitary.

yup

There are officially too many douchebags living in this town. Why can't people respect each other? And why are so many people blind to their wrongs? 

I am in a strange mood. I think I ate too much. I am also thinking too much. I am beginning to second-guess some things. When I am unsure, I tend to immediately shove whatever it is into the 'negative outcome' file. The glass isn't half-empty; it's more like someone put it back in the fridge with just one sip left. 

I am trying to decide whether I want to pop into the party next door or just go to bed and sleep off my overly-full belly. Dinner was good (and I was treated by a friend's very nice parents). I had one of those moments of unintentional awkwardness with the waiter; I went to hand him my empty glass, and when he took it he accidentally grabbed my hand. It's funny how slight contact with someone you don't know becomes mild embarrassment. 

Some guy that lives around the corner decided to stab his girlfriend to death with a pocket knife and then chill with her body for a few days. When police investigated, he said that he "got into it with this girl" (while putting on his shoes). And when they asked him where she was, he nonchalantly points to the back of the living room to the mattress her body is on, under a sheet, and says "Right back there". Luckily the majority of my neighbors are not like this.

rollin' in the Benjamins

Hell yeah. I got my tax refund(s) today. What a nice surprise to log into my online banking account and see the sudden little increase in savings. Too bad it only happens once a year. And too bad it was mine to begin with.

Oh, and apparently there is something living in my house's air ducts. For the past week or so, I've caught one of my cats sitting next to the living room vent staring into it for long periods of time. It was freaking me out a little, but that cat's psycho anyway, so I thought it was just her being 'normal'. But no, today I go over there when she's staring down into it, and something runs away. And I heard it in there a couple times. Startled the hell out of me. Guess I'll be calling the landlord about it tomorrow.

I don't know!!

Rememer that show that used to come on Nickelodeon; 'You Can't Do That On Television'? When a character said "water", a bucket of water would be dumped on them, and when someone said "I don't know" they got covered in green slime. Well, I think I have the microscopic version of this show being taped in my sinuses. And all the little cells must be stupid, judging by the amount of, uhh... slime... that I've been blowing out of my nose. 

In other news:

Some events of the past week and a half have left me melancholy and a little stressed. So I'm not much fun right now, really. I wish things would return to the way they were. I hate uncertainty.

I hope Dexter is getting reacclimated nicely in his old home. Hopefully there isn't any mad-cat consequences like peeing on things.

And meanwhile, after only a day, one less cat = way less cat shit. So that's good.

That is all, for I must go relieve myself of some of this slime. Not that you really wanted to know that... Yum!!

and then there were 2

Today Alyssa came and took Dexter home. Dexter is her cat that I've been fostering for about 2 months or so. But yeah, so she got him today, and my cats seem a little bewildered as the where the other one went. I'm a little sad, cause he's a cool cat, but I'm glad that I could help Alyssa out, and she loves him so much. Also, with him gone, my cat food and litter spendings will drop dramatically, cause damn, that cat could eat! He's huge.

poof!

I have found that the only magical power I possess is the ability to make people disappear.

today i'm

sneezy. stuffy. cold. achey. bored. lonely. doubtful.

time for a book. or a nap. or both.