The VD blues.

Just so you know, by VD I mean 'Valentine's Day", not 'Venereal Disease'. I don't have that kind of VD.

Though I suppose for some, one leads to the other, huh? A venereal disease causes itching and discomfort (on a superficial level). The VD blues (retartedly) causes an ache (not itching) on the deep, internal level. Which causes very superficial signs i.e. leaking a fluid from the lacrimal ducts- to show. Which is stupid and makes me feel like such a girl.

Here I am, at age 27. I think Valentine's Day is a Bullshit Holiday. Something made by the commercial forces in order to influece us into buying cards/candy/gifts for our 'significant others'. No other major holidays fall at this time of year, or with this sort of importance- they gotta stay afloat somehow! And the commercial giants guilt us into buying shit for our 'other halves' this day of the year... otherwise, you'll be in deep doo doo. What a load of garbage!!!

So yes, I recognize it's a load of crap. But... I also haven't had a Valentine since I was in 8th grade (that's Feb. 1995 for those who don't want to do math). And as ridiculous as the whole "holiday" is, I still wish that I were involved in the spectacle just once. I want to be taken out for a nice dinner. I want the person I love to give me some sign that he loves me too. I don't want a whole bunch.... I just want to love someone who loves me back. And this has not worked the way I hoped it would for the past 2 years. I loved someone who didn't love me back. And who (according to him) couldn't love me back as I wished he would. I doomed myself from the start. He was 33 years old, and had no idea what he wanted in life... what am I supposed to do with that when I know at least the basics of what I want in life?? Am I supposed to 'hang out' as a 'platonic' cuddle-buddy until he decides what he wants in life (which may very well not be me), even though I know now, and he has no idea?? That can only go on for so long.

I did cut him off of communication about 3 weeks ago, so I guess anything I say now is a moot point. But I don't think he realizes that I just broke my own heart again by severing all ties. And I don't think I'll ever be in communication with him again so my feelings about the whole thing really don't matter. So what can I do? Nothing, except move on. That's it. I loved him. He wasn't interested in such things. There is nothing else to say about that.

So yeah, Fuck Valentine's Day. It's a commercialized bunch of BS. And it's dumb that such a thing can make me feel bad. Now where's my chocolate?

edited for drunken redundancies and bad grammar... yeah, i was drunk. what else brings forth such a blog??