Monday, February 4, 2008

The End Is Near!

The Coca-Cola vending machines at Athens Tech now accept credit cards.

A sign of the Apocalypse, maybe?

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Groundhog Day, pt. II

The other day I got an invitation to join the group "Henry County High Class of '99". Seems a couple of the popular girls have taken on the daunting task of starting to plan the 10-year reunion. And boy-howdy, lucky me was found by one of said popular girls within a day of this group's creation.

Now, I have nothing against high school reunions. And I have nothing against these people. But I don't know them. What the hell are we going to talk about? And moreso, what the hell have I been doing for the past ten years?

In high school, it's a favorite question of the counseling/advising staff to ask. "Where do you see yourself in ten years?".

I really doubt most people answer "At 27? I'll be unemployed and broke, single, living alone, back in school, have a family I don't know, and have a handful of friends of which most are only aquaintences at best, considering the frequency with which I actually speak to them.".

This isn't the answer I gave, either, but it's where I ended up being. Funny how things work out, huh?
So yeah. I pretty much feel like a huge failure. Besides school, which I'm actually doing decently in, I look around and see nothing. I know I've fallen into a depression again, and I keep trying to pull myself out of it. But everytime I try something, everything else falls apart.

On Monday night, I got drunk and upset (as usual) and told Eric to fuck off and not come back. And it seems that this time, he actually did. In reality, this probably should have happened a long time ago. But I'm still not happy with it. Or how I went about it. Granted, he kept saying I was back-and-forth (when he was the one who didn't want a relationship, yet I knew what I wanted), but when it came down to just maintaining a friendship, he was just as bad, if not worse. He'd make tentative plans, then blow me off completely. He'd call to see if I wanted to join him somewhere, then say he wasn't going to be there much longer though. He'd just ignore me for no reason for days on end. This was how it always was. Even before we stopped talking for those 5 months last year, he'd get upset if I didn't call him right back, whine and moan to others that "I don't think she likes me anymore...", and they would even say, "well you treat her like shit, what do you expect?". He'd say he knew, and he was trying to fix that. But nothing ever changed. Next thing you know, I get heartbroken, we stop talking, I lose 10 pounds from depression... then I start getting better, and wanting to move on, etc. But he comes back- blah blah blah, I'm a mess, I want you in my life, more BS. And nothing had changed. So this time, I tend to act like a crazy girl because now I freak out everytime he does something (that I should have seen coming), which makes me look bad, and makes me feel even worse, and it's all because of how insecure I felt with him in the first place. The second chance should have never happened, because I'd be a much better off person now if it hadn't. Either way, he still didn't know what he wanted. So it never mattered anyway. It's best that he be removed from my life. And I know that. But it still kills me inside. I feel like a bad person, and I probably am to an extent. Geez- I can't even express in writing exactly how all this has affected me.

Basically, I'm horribly depressed now. I'm horribly lonely. I have no money, no job, and no one close to me anymore. I've lost all motivation to do anything. I don't even want to be around people anymore, but I also can't just sit at my house.


Things will change. I know that. But will I already be dead to the world once they do? Will I have given up completely?

Groundhog Day

This morning Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow. Six more weeks of winter, if you believe in these sorts of things. The article I read said there were an estimated 15,000 onlookers present for the animal's prediction, and that in the 122 years the event's been happening, he's seen his shadow 97 times. Looks like a conspiracy to me...

No one claimed the pocket-found iPod. It's been 2 weeks, so I can safely assume it's mine now. I still have to get it charged- I don't have the proper USB cable.

I've decided to purge some BS from my life. Meaning getting rid of the things that upset me. In doing so, I might have hurt some feelings but I frankly just don't care anymore. It's time to start over.

Chemistry (aka MATH) can suck a dick. Even though I got a 100 on the first exam. It still can suck it. And A&P, you're making my brain implode a little bit every day. The bones/processes/fossa/foramina aren't too bad, just a shitload of memorization. But the muscles all look the same. Yes, they're easy enough to identify in a book in which they are all nicely colored in with colored pencils. But on a dog/cow/cat/goat cadaver- it all looks like chicken. And damn, there are a lot of them.

You know in the movie, when he's living the same day over and over and over again? Yeah...

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

It always happens in threes.

Last Tuesday it was Brad Renfro. This Tuesday it's Heath Ledger. Which 20something still-holding-on-to-a-modicum-of-acting-success-celebrity will it be next Tuesday?

I'd like to thank The Reaver and FBBX! for telling me about www.woot.com. I really needed another website to compulsively check every ten minutes/tempt me to buy gadgets I don't need. Yes. I am addicted. Yet I have refrained from making any purchases thus far.

I am a Good Person. At least I will try to be, but I will be doing so without also getting completely shafted in the end... the story behind this is:
Saturday night I went to Mercury Lounge with Becca (after an already long, but ridiculously fun, day). Alfredo was playing music, a dance party was going, and things were great. I took off my coat and purse and put it on the floor against the wall inside so I could 'dance' (read: look stupid) without interference. More people decided to pile up their coats there too.

Fast forward, it's time to go. I get my stuff, start the walk home. I had some gloves in my handwarmer-pockets (you know, those little slit pockets at chest level) on my coat. I pulled them out and felt something in one of the pockets. I figured it was my cell phone, since I regularly drop it in there. Nope. I reach in and pull out a random iPod Nano.
What I figure is that someone went to move it from their pants pocket to the coat pocket of one of the other coats in the pile, and put it in my pocket instead accidentally. I have no idea who it belongs to; there isn't a name engraved on it and the battery is dead so I can't turn it on. Hell, I really don't even know how to work one...

So when I say I'm going to be a Good Person but not get shafted, I mean I know I would be sad if I lost this.

So I'm going to call Mercury and see if anyone reported it missing. I'll leave my number and say if someone does to have them call me. If it can be described I'll return it, no problem. If I see a 'lost' ad in the Flagpole I'll return it, no problem. I will not, however, turn it into Mercury's lost-and-found because it was lost into my coat, not their floor or whatever. And I know how bar/restaurant lost-and-founds work... it would sit there for 3 days (tops) before an employee pulled a 'minesies'. (Yes, when you lose nice stuff at places, it doesn't hang out there long... you pretty much gotta come back that day for it). I don't think it makes me too evil to think that if the owner doesn't claim it, than I should be the one to keep it. Of course then I'll have to figure out how the damn thing works.

P.S. I went over my alotted 400 text messages last month. By a lot. Soooo.... yeah. If you can just call more, that would be cool. Or don't be offended if I don't respond.

Friday, January 18, 2008

The Confessional

I've been a bad girl. The 'Eych!' video I had up for, oh 8 months, finally triggered MySpace's copyright filter and they removed it from my profile. They also suspended my upload privileges until I complete their Copyright Education Program. Shame on me! I know this is a much worse offense than creating a false profile and harrassing a 13-year-old girl until she hangs herself in her closet. Or posing as a girl to lure unsuspecting teenage boys to meet me at some shady motel. Or sending out the most annoying "Dude, can you believe we went to high school with her? Check out these pics!" virus comment and "Find hott girls who want to party with you in your town! Get laid tonight!" friend request (always from some chick named Desiree or Jasmine).

I need a job. BAD. I am officially freaking out about money now. I really am over the restaurant business though and am trying to stay out of it, but with no luck thus far. Hell, I'm considering applying to work in the dining hall at UGA (yes, still food service, and yes, still for all the same people I can't stand waiting on... but at least I'd get health insurance). Or even- dun dun dunnn- DialAmerica. I hate the phone. That's how bad off I am.

The truth is that I'm a lazy bastard. I wouldn't mind sitting in my house all day long in my PJ's doing nothing and seeing nobody, just watching movies and hanging out with my cats (it's hard to disappoint them). I don't want to do a damn thing. Unfortunately, if I do this much longer, I won't have a house to sit in. Which leads me to...

I think I'm also over Athens. I love this town, but I hate this town. Now that things are the way they are, I feel as if I have no reason to be here anymore. I'm not going anywhere, and other than school, I have nothing binding here. I have a few really awesome friends, but another truthful thing about me is that I just don't connect to other people they way others do. More than once over the past month, I've considered packing it in, packing it up, and moving up to Cincinnati. There I'd have a free place to live (until they drove me crazy...); I could work some bullshit job part-time, and go to school. I already looked into what it would take to transfer into the Vet Tech program there... more than I want to do really, which is what kept me from actually doing it. Because yes, I'm lazy.

I suppose if I'm going to title this blog 'The Confessional', perhaps I should come up with some other Things You May Not Have Known About Me.

1) If you send me a message or an email, it will take me at least two weeks to respond. If I respond at all. It's not because I don't like you. As I said earlier, I'm lazy.

2) I like shoes. A LOT. I wear the same ratty sneakers every day, but my closet holds the truth.

3) I have a third nipple... PSYCH! (or is it sike?)

4) I hate math. I'm taking chemistry right now, which they tell me is science. But they lie. Chemistry is another word for math.

5) I really like making out. You probably didn't want to know this but too bad. It's true. I definitely carry the potential to be a make-out whore (though I think that's much too strong of a word for such an innocuous and often innocent activity). I don't live up to my potential. Here's the funny part... the 2 or 3 times I've made out with someone in the past year (yes... year.), it has NOT been with the on-again/off-again dude. Because he has no interest in such activities. We'll leave it at that...

6) I am more concerned with aging than I should be. I am well aware of the silver hairs that are now intermixing with the brown ones. I use body lotion way more than I used to. I am also paranoid that the small little wrinkles at the corners of my eyes are going to explode overnight into full-on crow's feet.

7) A large part of my wardrobe is made up of clothing that came from other people's closets. One man's trash is another's treasure, you know.

8) Every time I smell Dr. Pepper or Mr. Pibb... or sorry, Pibb Extra, I think "Man, I want some. It smells good!". Then I taste it and remember how much I don't like it. When I worked at the restaurant, I did this about once a week.

9) I get shit on by birds on a regular basis. I know people who have never been crapped on; it's a once-monthly event for me. I have heard that this could be considered good luck, but...

10) I play a scratch-off lottery ticket once a week, usually on Friday. I've been doing this for at least a year, if not longer, and I've won maybe 3 times. Never more than $2.

11) I like to write long-winded, wordy blogs that most people probably don't finish reading. Oh wait... you already knew that.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Pasteurized process cheese food

Not a lot going on. Still unemployed. But this needs to change soon. I have got to motivate myself to take a more proactive role in things like this. If I could just sit at my house all day forever and do nothing, I would...

School is back on. This quarter should prove a busy one- Veterinary A&P might just kick my ass. Plus chemistry, which I'm not too worried about, except the math part.

Got new tires for my bike. I couldn't really afford it, but I had no choice as I blew the rear one out on Tuesday. They were both pretty dryrotted... they were the same tires that came with the bike in 1994. It was time.

Tonight I took about 4 bites from something called a "Snack Stick". It was a Slim Jim knock-off, and pretty sketchy. It felt like it was covered with wax. And the second ingredient on the package was 'mechanically separated chicken'.

Any budding hairstylists out there? Anyone want to cut my hair? I need at least a trim, but would probably lose an eye if I tried to do it myself. I am too broke to go to the salon... so my head is up for grabs.

Tonight, I am going to chill out at home. I think I'll take a hot bath... yeah... just wish I had some wine to drink at the same time. Or some ice cream. Eating ice cream in a hot bath is amazing. (especially if you partake of another bowl beforehand) Everyone should try it!

Ween. At the Georgia Theatre. YES. Tickets go on sale tomorrow at noon through GA Theatre's website. Yeah, I'm broke. But I will not eat for 3 days to get a ticket to see Ween. Fuck yeah.

Other than that, I think I'm about to hermitize myself for a while. I'm kinda over people for the time being, plus I got a lot of shit to do. So if you want to hang out with me let me know. And don't feel neglected if I don't call you... it's not you, it's me. I'm an equal opportunity ignorer.

Peace out.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

I've got nowhere to go, and noone to see

Welcome to the South:
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ATM attack blamed on snowfall mania


A man who beat on an ATM Tuesday night claimed he was excited about a light snowfall, but police think he and his friends may have been trying to break into the machine, Athens-Clarke police said.

Officers were dispatched at about 11 p.m. to the Bank of America at the corner of Hawthorne and Prince avenues on a report of three suspicious men who were banging on an ATM, police said.

Brian James Begeal, 21, told officers he was "hitting on (the ATM) because he is a drummer and this was the first time he had ever seen snow fall," according to police.

Begeal and one of his companions, 18-year-old Simon Andrew Cotterell, each had a backpack containing a pry bar, bolt cutters, screwdrivers, pliers, a razor knife and a flashlight, police said, and both were charged with possession of burglary tools.

The third man, 20-year-old Frank Louis Ovinnio, said if he knew his friends had the tools he wouldn't have been with them because he is trying to become a police officer, police said.

The three men were charged with loitering or prowling, police said.

Published in the Athens Banner-Herald on 010308
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I am broke. Well, almost. I have a few jobs I've applied for that I am still waiting to hear about, but I can't be jobless much longer. I'll have to do the restaurant BS again I think, but I hate to take a job somewhere only to leave after a few weeks should my first choices work out...

I've been given one more reason not to trust you. Say what you want, but I do view things differently than you. And most recently you even said exactly what I've been saying for a while now. It's just too late.

I went to Ohio for a week. It was cold there. I came back to Athens, and it went and got cold here. Colder than Ohio even. I didn't bring it back, I promise. I did get to have dinner with Martha and Jon in Cincinnati, as they were passing through on their drive back from Canada. They crashed for the evening in my Grandma's basement. Good times.

If I don't have a cold anymore, why do I still get snot crusties in my nose? Not fair.

I took some pictures on New Years Eve, but I will never see them. My camera disappeared somewhere between Mercury Lounge and Martha's house. It may be in the back seat of the car we rode in, but I'll check the two other places it may be as well. Though it's really not that big of a deal- the camera wasn't that nice (it had already broken apart a couple times that night, but I'd put it back together), and the only pictures on it were from that night. Oh well.